TTT: Season 2, Episode 6

1. Oh so much going on right now. Overwhelmingly much. In fact, my mind is just about exhausted from thinking about it all and my body feels the same way from responding to it all.

Mark and I made the decision this past weekend to accept the job offer he received from the neurosurgery group down in Houston.

So it's official; we're moving.

To be fair, I do have to say that it is a wonderful job offer with a great group of doctors and PAs at a thriving practice that just so happens to be very near my parents in The Woodlands. Anyone would jump at the opportunity. But to be honest, I don't think we were ever planning on moving that far away. But at this point, what it comes down to is we need a job. We're adults. With three children. It's not like we just got out of college and we're bumming off our parents until we feel like mustering up the motivation to go get a real job. This is serious business here and our family depends on it. With all that goes in to accepting a job in the medical field (licensing, contracts, privileges, numbers...all that random stuff that I don't know much about) it's not like Mark can just accept a job and start tomorrow. It's quite the lengthy process and if we didn't go ahead and pull the trigger now, we would have gotten ourselves to the point where we'd run out of funds and be in a really bad way. So it was time to just muster up the courage and do it.

I've moved before. (Of course I have. I'm an Air Force kid.) So that "how in the world can this possibly work out? how could we possibly just start over?" type feeling comes to mind but I know the answer to it. It really will all be ok. Mark, on the other hand, has lived in Lubbock his whole life. Aside from the year and a half he quasi-lived in Midland for PA school. So for him it's even more overwhelming. Oh yeah, in addition to the whole starting-a-new-job thing.

And then there's the thought of leaving all of our friends and family.

Heartbreaking. Really, really heartbreaking.

You set up this whole life for yourself and can picture yourself doing certain things with certain people and just growing old in your own little world. And then to think of leaving that world and trying to start over in a new one...it's just scary. And sad. Trying to find new friends. And missing our old ones. Really, no one can replace the ones we love here in Lubbock. And we'll never try to replace them. And again to be honest, I'm really quite thankful that we actually have family here in Lubbock. I grew up never being very close to my dad's side of the family and Mark grew up hardly knowing his dad's side of the family at all. And I've always said since day one that I will not let that happen with my kids.

And I mean it with my whole heart.

Kolbe and Rudy have spent the first couple of years seeing their paternal grandparents typically once a week or every two weeks. Obviously, that will no longer be realistic, but I have my heart set on making sure that it doesn't ever turn in to a once-a-year type thing. So we will always be coming back. As long as they are here, we will be back. With the added blessing of getting to see our friends too. And Lord willing, they (family and friends) will be willing to come see us too. I was just telling Mark the other night that I look forward to times like when his parents come down to visit and we get to take them to an Astros game or the zoo or something else fun. Where the boys' memories with their grandparents will be something special...and not just "going over to G-ma's because Mom and Dad had a dinner they had to attend." And getting to come up to Lubbock for Christmases. Or summer vacation. Heck, Lubbock was the site of pretty much all of my summer vacations as a kid! God knows as an Air Force kid I never lived in the same city as my grandparents!

Anyway, I could and probably should have just written an entire post about this whole moving thing. It's on my mind pretty much 24/7 now-a-days and is what our world is revolving around right now. Getting our house ready to sell, getting it on the market, hoping the right buyer comes along, finding movers to move us, finding a new house, figuring out how all of these things are going to line up with Mark starting his new job...oh, and that whole thing of being roughly halfway through my pregnancy. It's daunting, I tell ya. The whole thing. Like I've said before when just thinking about the prospect of it: for every happy, there's a sad. For every scary, there's an exciting. For every broken heart, there's a brand new start. For every up-ahead, there's something behind. How do you see both and feel ok with your decision?

2. Guess what today is? February 10th. The second anniversary of the second time I fell in love at first sight. On this morning two years ago, I contemplated just how I'd be able to love someone as much as I loved my fifteen-month-and-one-day old little baby. And a little after noon on that day I learned just how easy it would be. The moment five pound, eleven ounce Reagan Mark was born is, to this day, one of the sweetest, purest moments of my whole life. One of the best flooding of emotions I've ever experienced. And falling in love with him over the past two years has been nothing shy of spectacular. So this morning, the things I love the most are that he still lets me cuddle him. Still lets me kiss on him. Still melts my heart with his smile. Still is a mama's boy. So sweet. So curious. So endearing.

Honestly, if it weren't for his paci-obsession, he'd be the world's most perfect child.

Just kidding, little fella. You are perfect--paci and all.

3. Like I mentioned earlier, as of tomorrow, I've reached my halfway point in my third pregnancy. Numero Tres will be a whopping eighteen weeks old. Yes, I know. The halfway point is twenty weeks. But with my previous two thirty-six week pregnancies, eighteen weeks means I have just eighteen weeks to go till I've reached that point.

You know, the one where I better be ready for anything to happen. Like wake up in the morning with my face so swollen that it's hard to open my eyes. Considering I feel no different, blood pressure does the strangest things to my body. I keep praying that maybe, just maybe, I'll make it to at least thirty-seven weeks this time. But really, I won't be sad this time if I don't. I do my best and that's all I can ask of myself. Besides, my two thirty-six weekers did fabulous. And, heck, my body sure thanks me for skipping out on that whole last month!

But overall, this pregnancy is flying by. Could I really be halfway there already? Where is time going? Actually, I know the answer to that, and it's not exactly going to slow down any time soon. I suppose my body changes won't either. So far, I'm still sitting at just two pounds of weight gain and very little bodily changes, but there finally is a noticeable baby bump hiding under my layers of winter clothing. (ok...I know it's pretty much only noticeable to me...) I like to think that instead of gaining weight, the baby's umbilical cord continues on past the other side of the placenta and has a vacuum attachment that is sucking all that "extra" off my thighs that I've wanted to get rid of. Now wouldn't that be a medical miracle! Right now it's just kind of that awkward transition phase where the normal "skinny" clothes are too snug but maternity clothes look absolutely ridiculous. Where "baby bump" looks and can be more easily seen by the naked eye as "muffin top." So, in that regard, I really haven't minded the sub-zero temperatures around here. A good excuse to leave that button undone and throw on a comfy sweatshirt. And really, I can't complain about my little muffin top right now...it's starting to have more and more movement inside of it... which is never a bad thing.