1. We're taking off on the long trek to Houston on Monday so this week has essentially been crunch time for all things Christmas. I'm just about done with shopping...just one little outstanding item that I'll probably pick up in Houston considering we won't celebrate Christmas with the recipient until after we get back to Lubbock. But truthfully, I haven't wrapped a single thing. Lord willing, that will all go down this weekend. Hopefully with the assistance of my dear husband, considering Friday is his last day of work for a while. 'Cause really, instead of wrapping, I've been busy baking all week. Primarily for Mark's co-workers. Believe me-- trying to come up with a suitable gift for people who have everything is difficult! You want it to be heartfelt but if definitely can't break the bank! So I did come up with a few "gift gifts" but also decided on lots of home-baked goods. Who doesn't love that at Christmas!?! As long as I get the royal icing done on the sugar cookies today and everything packaged up tonight, everything should be ready to head to work with Mark tomorrow!
2. The balance of "things" have been kind of tumultuous in the Asmussen family lately. Can't really expound on things now but we definitely could use as many prayers as possible. Don't worry...we're all safe and healthy...including Baby Three. And God has always, always, always provided for us, taken care of us, and led us in the right direction when needed, time after time in the crazy history of our little family. So we have faith that now will be no exception. Really. No worries! Hopefully by next week I'll be able to explain a little better.
3. Tomorrow marks the eleventh anniversary of the day I was diagnosed with active lupus.
Eleven years.
Kind of getting to the point where I don't remember what it's like to not have it. And there's so much I hate about it. I hate that I've been on steroids for eleven years. I hate that I can't do lists and lists of the physical things I was capable of as a child. I hate that I see someone do a cartwheel and feel jealous. I hate that my boys find my arm braces around the house and wear them around to "be like Mama." I hate that some mornings Kolbe will ask, "Do you feel bad today, Mama?" I hate that they'll always know me as sick in some way or another. I hate feeling unstoppable in my mind and so limited physically. And really, I hate the pain. I can't even describe it but it happens so often that I don't know any different. And I'll probably spend the rest of my life feeling this way.
But I have to tell you--I really don't hate everything about having lupus. I don't. I think of all the things in my life that would be different if I didn't have it. What would I be doing? Where would I be? Really. Where? Because I was diagnosed mid-way through my senior year of high school and at the time I had equal scholarships to Tech, Auburn, and Alabama. My parents were moving back to Texas and all my extended family was in Lubbock. So my sickness kind of made the choice for me. Lord knows I would have never found Mark in Alabama. And while I have something that no one would want, I also have many things that tons of people yearn for. So many things. Everything happens for a reason. And most of all, I have so much of my relationship with God to thank lupus for. I need him so much. Going through all I have experienced would have been... and will continue to be impossible without God.
So it's a trade off. Some days I'm bitter...and I guess it gets worse around the ol' anniversary...but on most days, I wouldn't completely give it away if I had the option. Ironically, as "off balanced" as it makes me feel, it really keeps me balanced. God knows what he's doing. Now and always. And I'll continue to trust him with my health--hoping for the best and knowing that anything is possible.
Sorry for all the heaviness this week! Next week will be much happier! Promise!
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